Helping a Patient Heal Emotionally During Cancer Through Forgiveness
When patients learn they have cancer, after the shock and disbelief wear off, they look for ways to fight the disease. They find an oncologist and begin treatment. However, before they’re able to truly move forward, they may have to take a look back. One path to healing emotionally from cancer is through forgiveness.
Understanding Forgiveness
Forgiveness is the process of releasing feelings of resentment, hurt or anger for past wrongs. Many people living with cancer feel they need to forgive another person in their life for something that happened in the past. They may have been mistreated by a family member or betrayed by a close friend. Sometimes, the person they need to forgive is themselves. Some people with cancer blame themselves for past decisions or lifestyle choices.
The Benefits of Forgiveness
Forgiveness is especially important when people are fighting an illness like cancer. Now, more than ever, they need to focus on healing. The benefits of forgiveness may be experienced on many levels, including theological (a person’s relationship with God), relational (a person’s relationship with others) and biological (a person’s physical well-being).
Specifically, forgiveness may help to:
• Reduce stress
• Reduce chronic pain
• Increase immune function
• Decrease depression and anxiety
• Improve spiritual well-being
• Promote self-confidence
• Improve relationships with others
The Misconceptions
Like so many things in life, forgiveness is easier to describe than to accomplish. It can be difficult to let go of the anger or hurt inside. Forgiveness can be especially challenging when, deep down, the patient doesn’t believe the person is entitled to it. Yet, forgiveness doesn’t mean condoning or excusing the wrongdoing. Though it may be difficult to conceive of, forgiveness is for the patient.
When people hold onto anger, bitterness and resentment, it prevents them from living their lives fully. They become so wrapped up in their past hurts that they can’t enjoy the present. They may become anxious, depressed, or disconnected from others. When they aren’t able to release these feelings, they’re the ones who suffer.
With Forgiveness, Comes Peace Well-Being
When people let go of negative thoughts and feelings, they can begin to focus on positive things in their lives. Forgiveness can even lead to understanding and empathy for the one who hurt them. Most of all, forgiveness can bring people peace, happiness, and a sense of well-being so they can move on with their lives.
Tips for Finding Forgiveness After Cancer
If you’re working with a cancer patient and/or family that would benefit greatly and find emotional healing through forgiveness, here are some tips you can share:
· Get some perspective. Understand that forgiving doesn’t mean you’re condoning the hurtful action. It does mean you’ll find a way to release its grip on you. Try to understand that the distress you feel now comes from the hurt and bitterness you continue to carry with you. Forgiveness involves dealing with the past in a healthy way.
· Consider the alternative. Remember, you can either hold onto anger, resentment or hurt, or you can move forward through forgiveness. Try to re-focus on the positives in your life. If you can find a way to see love and kindness around you, it may help you let go of the anger and resentment inside.
· Remember the purpose of forgiveness. Getting someone else to change his or her behavior isn’t the purpose of forgiveness. And, forgiveness may not always lead to reconciliation. Think of forgiveness more about how it can change your life. Forgiveness comes from inside you and is not dependent on the actions of anyone else.
· Try writing exercises. Writing exercises can help you process your thoughts and feelings. Think about how your reaction to a past hurt has affected your life, health and well-being. You may also want to reflect on times you've hurt others and how they forgave you.
· Make the decision to forgive. Forgiveness allows you to release the control and power the transgressor has had in your life. Remember, it is for your benefit, not theirs. If you’re asking someone else for forgiveness, admit what you did, be sincere about your regret, and don’t make excuses.
· Practice patience. Sometimes it can be difficult to know if you have truly reached a state of forgiveness. If you aren’t sure, ask yourself if the memory still brings pain or anger. If it does, keep working to release it. It will probably not happen overnight, but with patience and time, you can heal your heart and mind.
· Redirect your energy. When feelings of hurt and anger surface, try different techniques, such as relaxation techniques, guided imagery, stress management, deep breathing, meditation, massage, Yoga, drawing, journaling, and music. Put your energy into activities you enjoy rather than dwelling on the experience that has hurt you.
· Seek out spiritual resources. Participation in spiritual and/or religious activities can help you feel more willing to forgive. Read prayers, scriptures, essays, inspirational stories, and/or attend religious services. Think about how the messages tie in with your personal values and beliefs. Ask for guidance from a spiritual leader.
· Stay connected. Cancer is a heavy burden, particularly when you’re filled with unforgiveness. Try not to isolate yourself from your loved ones at this time. Instead, nurture your relationships with others. It may also help to join a support group or to seek professional counseling.
· Face forward. Once you’re able to forgive, the process of moving on with life begins. This is your opportunity to re-focus on the things that matter most to you. Although you may not be able to forget the past, you can improve the way you live the rest of your life.
Note: This information isn’t intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice. Always advise the cancer patient you’re working with to seek the advice of their physician or other qualified healthcare provider regarding forgiveness during cancer care.
Release! The Healing Power of ForgivenessSM (http://www.releasenow.org/) is a new program at Cancer Treatment Centers of America led by Rev. Dr. Michael Barry, director of Pastoral Care at Cancer Treatment Centers of America® (CTCA) at Eastern Regional Medical Center in Philadelphia.
Dr. Barry specializes in the connection between spirituality and health, particularly as it relates to cancer. He has written two books on the topic: A Reason for Hope, which deals primarily with issues related to faith and physical well-being, and A Season for Hope, a daily devotional for those battling cancer. A third book, The Art of Caregiving, deals with how to lend support and encouragement to loved ones with a chronic illness.
His most recent book, The Forgiveness Project: The Startling Discovery of How to Overcome Cancer, Find Health and Achieve Peace details the spiritual and physical benefits of forgiveness, as well as teaches readers how to forgive based upon his years of experience in mentoring cancer patients..
Dr. Barry earned a Doctor of Ministry degree at Fuller Theological Seminary. He earned a Master of Divinity degree at Princeton Theological Seminary, and a Bachelor of Arts degree at the University of Texas at Austin. Throughout his 20-year ministry, Dr. Barry has conducted numerous radio and television interviews around the country on the topics of spirituality and health, caregiving and forgiveness.